When life hits You hard!

The last few days I had been stressed enough to commit suicide.But I feel I am the one at fault.I have put myself in situations where I feel sad and start worrying.There are a lot of problems that needs to be solved.Like all other times I can make a list of what has gone wrong and then find solution to each  and every problem.But that had never worked because I never work.I never work because I feel down.Sometimes because I have a set of tasks that seem unachievable and often because I have eaten too much and have fell ill out of nothing.But sometimes when things don't go as I expect and I start indulging in my phone trying to find the peace of mind which I never achieve and end up being more fed up.All of my decisions and actions are extreme in their own perspective and many a times I act like I'm severely sick,even if I have been hit by something as common as a sneeze due to allergy.And as this body has not been trained to bear pain,so I find it difficult to cope and use the excuse as an escape.What can I do?Is the big question that still remains.
Even if I decide to do one thing from today I know won't be doing it tomorrow.Even if it's somehow started,i would soon be lost in thoughts while venturing the possibilities of acomplishing this task and getting rewarded for doing so.And soon like the lady who killed the goose who laid golden eggs I would be off with my fake sense of achievement and think of my other areas for improvement.And don't think there's some different thing that happens, unfortunately the cycle repeats itself and I end up stressed.Then there is my crush for whom I fall into the deepest and darkest ocean of thoughts a thousand times a day looking for her to rescue me.For that reason I become a bomb of emotions which blasts anytime anything happens.I know I don't like certain things.I know I want somethings to happen.I know I have to do a lot of things.But my mind gets blocked by fear and I loose everything.And I fear almost everything and I am locked inside that bloody cage made by the "You know Who " of my life.I know it's not easy to theoretically eradicate something that's so practically and fundamentally installed in my system.But I think I have to slow down a bit. Actually I am a slow working person who is currently suffering because he have had too much collisions with everything around him.But I fear that if I slow down then I may loose this race in which I have been left far behind by others.Jealousy brings me to the cuffs I'm tied to inside my fear-cage.A world of a living thing seems to end inside an immaterial object (the cage).

Those are my liabilities,I'm not ready to face yet. I'm not even trying to prepare because I feel I don't want to be facing them right in the face,for I fear,fear of loosing it and the fear of "what if I fail?". So I'm looking for a loophole to sneak out and breathe a fresh air like a prisoner on the run and keep hiding  until the ultimatum hits me.This is what describes me now-a-days and that's what happens when the life hits you hard.